25 October 2009

how do you ask for help

i was always by myself to begin with.

you’d think i’d be used to it by now, but i’m not.

i have friends, but i still feel alone. i’m alone not because i don’t have options. i do have options. i have jace. i have anthony. and i’ve always had lo. but they’re not enough. the one thing i’ve never had was family.

i have two sisters, both with their own set of problems, so maybe that’s why i’ve gone unnoticed. my mom was never around so my dad worked two jobs all my life. my older sister was in no position to take care of us, so the responisblity fell on me. i woke up every morning and got my little sister ready. that was me. i raised her. alone.

if i ever had a problem i didn’t ask for help. that was weakness.

if i needed something, i did it on my own. alone.

nineteen years of this mind frame and no wonder i’m alone. i was built this way. its all i know. so what happens now.

how do you ask for help, when all you know is doing it yourself?

13 October 2009



my name is phil.

i like pizza. like a lot.

and my mom is not a fish, that is all.