i was epic. now i’m just a shadow of who i could have been. i loved too much. i trusted too long. i gave away my essence in hope of finding something too strong. i don’t know where i’m headed. just the direction. westward then up. i don’t know what i’m looking for. i’m not even looking anymore. i’m just headed west and then upward.
life is too long to be boggled down by insignificance. to be distracted by meaningless squabbles. to stay focused on something that is not good for you. to want what you can’t have. you have to move on. you have to pack up your bags and move across the country. good things don’t come to those who wait. but great things come to those who go out and grab them.
when i was eleven my younger brother seven. when i was eleven i wanted a lava lamp for no other reason but to say that i have a lava lamp. there’s nothing special about lava lamps, but its what i wanted. its what i desired. its what i thought i needed at the time. so i waited. and waited. and waited some more. when my younger brother turned eight, i was still eleven. when he turned eight a small part of me died and a jealous part of me was born.
i was no longer the baby. i was no longer the favorite. i was the middle child no one had to worry about. i wasn’t even the kid with the lava lamp. my eight year old little brother was the kid with the lava lamp. i waited and waited and i’m still waiting. i don’t want to be that eleven year old kid that waits for greatness to happen. i want to be the kid whose out chasing greatness.
and once again i failed at what this post was suppose to be about. it was suppose to be about how California isn’t a state. it’s a state of mind. three posts down and none of them served their original purpose. maybe i’ll get it right with number four. but i am J, mr.hubbard to some and i like blogging again. i feel like this blog is what southern inebriation should have became. but either way i’m back and i’m pretty sure i’m gonna be here for a few more years.
currently listening to Just Like A Star by Corinne Bailey Rae
10 August 2009
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Good post, maybe if you drank more Dr.Pepper you would have to chase greatness. Greatness would find you...
ReplyDeleteDude, I'll get ya a lava lamp if ya want... sheesh.
er.. wouldn't
ReplyDeletei don't want a lava lamp anymore, i commandeered my brothers two years ago and proceeded to break it on the driveway and when my mom asked me why i said cause i felt like it. then she threw a rock at me. +_+
ReplyDeletebut that reminds me to try and drink some more dr.pepper to see if the weird taste is gone yet.
Nice post. But perhaps greatness is as much waiting as it is seeking. I believe that, if we try too hard, it won't come to us; it'd just mock us in our face.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck in CA!!
I do believe life is there for the taking and 'til this day always thought it was too short to do everything I ever wanted to do, never knowing if the next turn in life would be my last and always thinking there's too much to explore to be sitting on my hands, but you say is way too long and even so you can never do everything you proposed, there are many roads to be walked, but as long as there's time, as long as we're alive we should keep walking down those paths, and why not? make our own, life may be too long but our minds race at million miles per hour in desperate search for something to do and hating to wait idly, for one thing is our mind and another way too different our volition. So as long as we're breathing why not will ourselves to do that which we have been meaning to do and never found the time? I say mountains are old, we're but a blink old compared to this world and as unstoppable as any of it's rivers. So let's go out and conquer the world for we're not alone and our unity gives us strength, and please, unless you want to make me cry don't you ever talk about Demian Rice's "Delicate" again, it's just too painful.
ReplyDeleteThis tear is your fault. Love your writing.
damien rice delicate made me cry too.
ReplyDelete