bad things come in threes

but i'm still cali bound in a hour.

i should be back in cali in an hour even with all the information i found out the last two/three days. still livin the "dream" still doing what i came to do. fuck the world right? it's all about me. being a selfish little fuck. but not really.

bad thing one:

K's suicide attempt number thirteen. same as the last one but closer to death. she cut both wrists this time, after she swallowed a bottle of painkillers. one of her roommates found her and rushed her to the hospital. she spent the last few days in the psych ward under suicidal watch. she's back on her meds. she's gonna take some time off from school. and has started to see a therapist. K will be better. she promised me.

bad thing two:

my family still never tells me anything. i'm fuckin J and they treat me like i'm still that insecure kid that never spoke. turns out my grandmother has been in the hospital for the last week. she has diabetes and high blood pressure and had a few complications, hence the hospital stay. no one called me. no one told me when i called them, but i receive a phone call and its my grandmother crying. telling me how she's lying in a hospital bed and all she wanted was a phone call from me. problem is, i didn't know. so i feel guilty. i feel saddened. and then i remember. no one tells me anything so this isn't my fault. i tell her i love her, and say i'm in georgia i'll try and see you before i leave. too bad i'm cali bound. have to wait til christmas.

bad thing number three:

i posted a cryptic post a while back. it was about my mother. i only told one person what it meant. his name was robby, dirty santa extraordinaire. my mom could possibly have breast cancer. four months later and we still don't know. she received a certified letter stating she needs to have her mammogram redone. if she has cancer, then there's nothing i can really do for her. i'm fuckin J. livin my "dream" on the californian coast. but hey, this is what i signed up for. too late to turn back now, because my plane leaves in less than an hour. maybe if i'm lucky my plane will crash and i'll be on tv.

that won't happen because a brilliant man, lets call him god, told me once.

J, you're gonna die. you're gonna die on septemeber 28. you're gonna be walking home from school and SPLAT. a plane is gonna crush your cranium. and you're gonna be dead. not the 27th, because thats my birthday. but the 28th.

a brilliant man once told me that, and then he turned his back on me. jack would never do that. zammy would never do that. neither would randy. but god did. hows that for religion.hows that for befriending a sheep.

currently listening to Fight For This Love by Cheryl Cole